Waylon Jennings said it best... (the first of my serious posts)

"I spent a life time looking for you..." The opening verse of one of the best country songs of the 70's and I dare say, all time. The song is "looking for love (in all the wrong places)". The more I think of it, the more I realize, That's me. Part of my efforts to "change" my blog is to stop hiding all my hang-ups and start sharing the true "Jonathan Burke". Ever since Shauna and I broke up, my opinion on relationships has been wavering to say the least. I find myself looking for shallow, selfish qualities in women, and when I do see someone that peaks my interest, it's only long enough for me to loose it. **self-disclosure** I have been so focused on finding a "new mate" that I have laid aside everything that is important. The thought of being alone frightens me, I can't stand it. I've tried the bar scene (that leads to trouble) on-line dating (I have no idea where they drudge up those scullery maids... ill-advised to say the least) and my final, and bravest attempt is applying to be on "The Bachelor"... all of which none have worked (well, I haven't heard back from the bachelor, so we'll see). But this has been weighing on my mind, quite heavily. recently, I have been forced to face the inevitable, having a relationship might not be God's calling in my life right now... or ever again. As much as I want to be a part of someones life and have them be a part of mine, I'm starting to think God would rather me be a part of his plan, and let him be the someone in my life, something that I have neglected to do for a long time. It hit me like a ton of bricks last night, the views that I have been holding about certain people, how often I make excuses for my sin, or worse yet, completely blow it off, and the contempt and lack of compassion I hold for my ex-spouse. I have been trying to find a "relationship", thinking that will make it all better, and putting God to the side... What a tragedy. I am challenged by the John Piper book "Don't waste your life" every time I read it. I am going to need much prayer and guidance as I fully accept that God's plan might not be mine, so if you could, I'd appreciate it. I'll finish with this line from that song, I'm sure Waylon did not have God's plan in mind, but I still find it amazing that he used this phrase: "hoping to find a friend and a lover, God bless the day I discover, another heart, looking for love".